It's that man again

Old Pip Larkin still running for his train .... He once wrote in an introduction to a book "When your train comes to rest in Paragon Station against a row of docile buffers, you alight with an end-of- the-line sense of freedom ..."  well, maybe so, I can't help feeling the old librarian was taking the proverbial mickey...docile buffers, indeed!.

A local councillor recently criticised Hull's newish fangled rail/bus station as being difficult to navigate if you are a first time visitor. A facetious response would be that the first time visitor is well advised to turn round and go back but I rise above that. Most people seem to want to know how to get to the Deep and, of course, there no signs or if there are I haven't seen them. This aspiring city of culture is incapable of joined up thinking. Seems the ticket office is difficult to find and it's an overall confusing experience.  Oh and the toilets are a pit of hell as well ... go back, I tells yer, go back, go back..

Winding your way down on Baker Street

At the end of the 18^th century Hull was, to use a recent newspaper headline, "one of the UK's fastest emerging cities". A savvy local tobacco merchant, Richard Baker, bought up land to the north of the new dock and two new streets were built Albion Street and Baker Street. The eastern end of Baker Street is now in a pretty poor state and due for demolition and the erection of apartments to join up with a particularly bland block of living units (but don't hold your breath). The other end is in a much better state and being looked after. There used to be a public convenience at the western end but though the building is still standing it is permanently closed; if you want to pee in the city of culture you must seek relief elsewhere.

A story for another day

You'll be aware from a casual reading of this blog that the town is undergoing a make-over, a renovation , a transformation from ugly duckling to, well, we'd better wait and see. A large wodge of cash has been found to pay for all this. Included in the first stage plans was a facelift for Queen's Gardens which involved taking the place back to its 1950's redesign (down come those trees), a central performance stage (for what?), a removable stage over the above pond (again why two stages?) and more space to play 'sport' (just plain why?) and a memorial to some guitarist, Mick Ronson (who he?), from the 1970's whose appeal was and remains limited in the extreme. All of these bizarre ideas are, thankfully, now on hold, and officially won't start until 2018; that is to say after the year of the City of Culture (if ever). I don't know the reason for the delay but the suspicion that the Council bit off more than it could chew seems a reasonable one.

In the meanwhile, this place, which on a pleasant day should be an enjoyable peaceful haven in the centre of town, is suffering from neglect and decay by contractual cock-up. Being a park you'd think it would be looked after by the park services company, wouldn't you? Well the contract with that company mysteriously does not cover Queen's Gardens, so it is left to the overstretched street cleaners (or possibly the Council secretaries, dog wardens or whoever is free that day) to maintain this place and that is failing. The paths are cracked, litter is accumulating and anti-social elements, drunks and druggies, roam the place making it not as welcoming as it should be. The Council continues with its unrealistic, unnecessary pipe-dreams while the place is falling apart around it; nothing new there then.

More tales of woe from this lovely place tomorrow.

Weekend reflections are here.

Red Buoy

Now it depends where you are just what you make of this. American (in the broadest continental sense) mariners will recognize this color as denoting the starboard limit of a channel as you approach from the sea. Excercising the true spirit of utter contrariness, in this country and most of the world excluding America navigators recognise this red coloured buoy as showing the port limit of a channel. Now I'm sure you won't forget this as you sail your expensive yachts up the Humber on your way to the city of culture. If, however, you need to look up port and starboard then perhaps the train is your best bet.

A folly or two

I don't know if I've shown this before but it doesn't matter if I repeat myself (a sure sign of creeping old age ...). Anyhow this is or was the top cupola from the old town hall built in 1866 and knocked down to make way for the Guildhall. Clearly there was no shortage of money for public buildings in those days. It now sits among the ducks and geese of Pearson Park.

For those of you who long to see a short film about Hull  the city of culture people have produced a four and half minute encomion. You can see it here and judge for yourself. I suspect Larkin, whose words (taken from an introduction to anthology that appeared over thirty years ago) are used at the beginning, would be laughing his head off  if he could see how much pretentious tosh has been made out of his scribblings.

King Cod

Right, let's get these monsters out of the way. Hull has recently put up several memorials to trawlermen lost at sea and there's something of fishing heritage thing developing on Hessle Road. As there's no money in fishing any more maybe there's a bob to made out of tourism ... So for whatever reason money from the City of Culture paid for these murals on Hessle Road. Local artists worked with the guys from Northern Ireland who did Big Lil to produce what are monumental images. ("Cor ain't it big" says I, "It's the size of  houses" says Margot, who notices these things.) Being about fishing there's a King Cod motif which is clear on the triptych below but you have to peer at the fisherman's hand to see his tattoo is the self same Cod. I think what they lack in artistic merit they more than make up with imposing size and they are clearly much loved by the folks around here; one of whom was walking along and found his granny was on the wall, must have been a nice surprise.

More murals are planned I suspect this little fellow will reappear.

Mural Monday is here.

Are you aware of Hull?

Does a creeping, cold sensation grab you by the sensitive parts as you gradually realise that you are being seized with the gruesome realisation that you are 'aware of Hull: UK City of Culture'? Fear not; you are not alone. According to the tiny Leader, some 53% of people have struggled to cope with this awareness problem, with even more suffering in the badlands of the "North". There is only one cure but it is drastic and may be fatal. Go, get you to the godforsaken hole and disabuse yourself of all that nonsense, once and for all. Then let us never mention it again...

The New Look

In the bad old days Jameson Street had paving, a few trees, a scattering of seats and a row of street lights. Now, after the expenditure of untold millions, Jameson Street has paving, a few trees, a scattering of seats and a row of street lights. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose as they often say these days in the city of culture.

Use Alternative Crossing

I may have mentioned, from time to time, the troubles and tribulations caused to this wonderful town by the presence of the A63 sometimes known as Castle Street and universally regarded as a pain in the fundament. Well now Highways England which is responsible for all this decided to upgrade a pedestrian crossing and work commenced in October ... and here we are at the end of the first week of December with no crossing, no upgrade, no work being done, no workers on site, nada, rien, zip!. Questions are asked by Councillors as to just what on earth is going on here (not a lot, clearly). Highways England are the folk who have promised to improve this road but have yet to submit planning applications ("We're working on it", they say and have been saying for years) and if it takes this long for them to upgrade a crossing (come to think of it how do you upgrade a crossing?) then I shudder to think how long any improvements to the actual road will take. 

Just a little footnote here. This crossing is the most direct route to the Marina and Fruit Market area where many of next year's City of Culture events are happening. That all kicks off in a little over three weeks. Just sayin' is all.

Black knight is a long way from home

The local train company¹ has decorated its trains with scenes from the cities it serves and so here we have Leeds' Black Prince statue shuttling backwards and forwards between Hull and Bridlington. The same train also had an image of Sheffield. I haven't noticed any trains with images of Hull yet, perhaps the company hasn't heard of the City of Culture ...

Weekend Reflections are here.


(1) I call it 'local' but Northern Rail is part of a vast conglomerate, owned by the multinational Serco and Abellio (the UK arm of the Dutch state railway), which operates transport services across Europe and elsewhere. Although I have heard Serco and Abellio have had a falling out.

Cultur'ull

You might have heard that Hull is to be the City of Culture in 2017 and I may have mentioned that Humber Street with its old greengrocers' warehouses was becoming a centre for the arts ...yada yada. Well the reality is that not much is actually going on there and many of the warehouses and buildings remain unused and in parts in a frankly disgusting state (see yesterday's post). Sure over the years I've read of countless plans to do the place up but in fact proposals to re-use these buildings are only just now going before the Council. 

If you're in Hull on Saturday there's a big 'Thank You' party being put on to thank the people of Hull for, well I don't quite know what, not chucking rotten eggs the 2017 C of C zealots I suppose, it's not as if they had any say in the matter. Only another 900 or so more days of this ... 

Expect Delays

I may have mention once or twice the problem that is Castle Street and that money had been agreed for a grand plan to alleviate some of the mess that is caused by funnelling a motorway into a inner-city dual carriageway. By now the detailed plans should be available, well it is well known that "should" butters no parsnips. These plans will not now be available until next Springtime (when birds do sing hey ding a ding, ding). I'm all for measuring twice and cutting once but to keep on putting things back will mean the actual work will neatly coincide with that other Hull problem the 2017 City of Culture. (One of themes I have heard is to be "Roots and Routes" so maybe it's all part of fiendish plan.) Drivers and that includes visitors to the cultural delights will be advised to take alternative routes, that is shorthand for find your own way through the infernal gridlock, matey, you're on your own! You have been warned.

The statement from our sponsors

The City of Culture thing is under way as I may have mentioned. The year is being financed by 'partners' or sponsors in common parlance. The old saying "he who pays the piper calls the tune" mostly definitely applies to what you see before you. Siemens manufacture wind turbines in an old dock out in the badlands of east Hull and being a major sponsor, sorry partner, they get to plonk, sorry (again) tastefully place their produce in the town square. Oh to be sure it's officially a sculpture or an installation or whatever by the name of "The Blade" but anyone can see this is just product placement gone barmy. I won't bore you with statistics of size and weight and so on since I know you won't be impressed, let's just say it's big and intrusive and leave it at that. And you certainly don't want to know how it got here, let's just say the fairies left it overnight. The natives, however, seem mightily pleased with their gift from the gods and go up to it and touch it as if it wasn't real, all very odd, still if it keeps them happy I suppose it does no harm.

Somewhere there's a team of engineers who must be very pleased with their work.

Did I mention it was bloody big?

It may not be art but it makes a good place for birds to keep an eye on the insanity of this place.

The weekend in black and white is here.

The place to be is Withernsea

If you haven't been to Withernsea then all I can say is that you haven't lived. With its balmy sandy beaches and inviting blue waters Withernsea is the seaside resort without parallel. The posters below on Whitefriargate last year gave only the merest hint of the pleasures that await you on the sunny Yorkshire coast. Just half an hour's driving on delightful roads due east of the city of culture will bring you to this very special place.

OK it's a bit of dead end, run down resort that used to have a lot of visitors until the railway was removed. Now there's still a beach, a handful of shops and a lighthouse that was carefully placed so far inland that the eroding waves could never reach it. I went there once, it rained.

Plan B? There's not even a Plan A!

Fish Street from Sewer Lane via Castle Street

*Sigh* With the inevitability of night following day the scheme to upgrade, improve or whatever you want to call it, the festering sore that is Castle Street has run into the docile buffers of bureaucratic inertia. Back in 2013 I posted that money was being made ready for this work and the earliest it could start was 2015 and as is my way I cautioned there might be delays. I hate to say I told you so but ... here we are two years later and those who should have submitted plans, the Government's Highways Agency, have yet to do so and don't look likely to act any time soon. (Surely the rumour that they cannot make a decision during the election run-up is a vile canard, perhaps not) So start dates are being pushed further back, 2018? 2020? Who knows when? Meanwhile the Council, for once not guilty of any misdemeanour and desperate to put some kind of bridge (iconic or otherwise) across the never ending stream of motorised madness in time for the City of Culture in 2017, is going quietly bonkers and talking about coming up with a plan B .... 

Full of hidden surprises

Posterngate

The 'Hull can do no wrong' brigade were crowing again over the weekend after the Sunday Times put Hull in a list of the sixty or so best places to live in Britain. After the usual City of Culture guff and a comparison of house prices (relatively low, since you ask, but rising fast) and inventing a popular road called "The Avenue" (??? typical bad reporting but then standards have been dropping for years) it then, I think, rather damned with faint praise by saying the reason it's great is that it's full of hidden surprises.... well yes it is and not all of them pleasant.

Pile them high

Somehow in the rush to build new housing around Queen Street/Humber Street area the squat little building on the corner of Blanket Row has acquired three storeys of  new places to call home. The whole of Blanket Row, for so long just waste ground,  is now a big building site with execrable or is that executive (I tend to confuse the two) apartments springing up for folk to work off their mortgages on (or for property companies to buy up wholesale and rent out) and as the sign says this is city living at its best.

Scott's Square was once somewhere down there, a speculative venture (aka a slum) packing in as many properties as the law and the Council would allow. Plus ça change as they say in the city of culture.

*Facepalm*

Behold, one of the seats

Behold, the view from the seats

Now look behind you! D'oh!

It's not like there didn't used to be seats facing the church but at some point in the past two years the Council decided to remove half the seats from round here leaving only those pointing away. This is, of course, in line with the council policy of doing everything wrong that it is possible to do wrong and then say they have no money to do it right. This is the town that claims to be a city of culture ... well there's a definite culture of incompetence and downright stupidity.

Kardomah Set V2.0

I get you might want to make a buck or two out of the fortunate surroundings you find yourself in, and I'm not going to knock any artistic venture that pops up here and there. But this is Hull 2014 and well, pretending that the City of Culture thing doesn't hang around the neck of everything that happens here, why the allusion to Dylan Thomas and the Kardomah set? Did the estate agent who owns this building and clearly can't sell it on to any commercial concern and who once offered to buy the Humber Bridge, think he could get away with this sleight of hand? And those 'artists' who frequent this place; are they getting a cut of the profits? Thought not.

Dancing in the street

Not having TV or social media folk had to make their own entertainment in the old days. In Yorkshire and North East England they came up with this, it's called rapper sword dancing. It involves five dancers, five double handed steel blades and a guy on the pipes or maybe an accordion playing a catchy rhythm. They whirl around, leap over one another and weave to and fro never leaving go of the handles and trying not to decapitate themselves as they go. The dance ends with the blades intertwined in a star-like figure which is then held aloft as if the solution to all life's problems has been found. It is profoundly pointless and that I suppose is the point as, having made the star, they start all over again, always twirling, twirling, twirling ...

These guys were part of the three day Hull Folk and Maritime Festival which this year I managed to get to see part. There was folk singing on several stages. Not really my scene. I don't mind a bit of the Irish pipes, (Planxty and so on) but modern "folk songs" make me want to reach for the mute button. But then there were lots of folk dance groups doing their thing in various spots across town. Now somehow this appealed; the often bizarre costumes, the music: all good stuff. Below is a sample. 

And last but by no means least ...

Now this being Hull the city of culture as well as all these delights the BBC Proms was being broadcast from the stage in the dock and the UK Pride festival was being held in Queen's Gardens.  I could post about them now but I think I've gone on too long as it is...